hotel room ftw
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
