so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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