blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
