there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
