So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
