Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
