i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
