He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
