Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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