It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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