she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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