I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
