Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
