sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
