So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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