I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
