Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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