No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
