I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
