Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
