I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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