My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
