drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
