i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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