if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
