I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
