I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
