the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
