i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
