Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
