Swine flu. Run for my life!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
