I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
