There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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