all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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