Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
