he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
