tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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