I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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