Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
