I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
