Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
