did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
