U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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