Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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