If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
