He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
