Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's like iHOP with fire
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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