Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my liver is dry heaving
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
