for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
