P.S. I can't hear my feet
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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