she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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